Nick Greene (A Writer)
 
 

Nick Greene (is a writer)

He has written about trying to ride the entire New York Subway system in one day, surviving the apocalypse without a spare set of contact lenses, and whether or not Elvis was actually any good at karate.

Nick was editor-at-large at Mental Floss. Before that, he was the Village Voice's web editor. He covers the NBA and NFL for Slate, has reviewed Guy Fieri's restaurant for the Voiceand took cold showers for a week in order to write a Men's Health story. What's more, he has also written the very website you are reading right now.

 

Email: nickRgreene@gmail.com
Twitter: @nickgreene


 

I Used Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War' to Lower My Internet Bill  |  "All warfare is based on deception."

“The Xfinity operator probably fancied herself victorious after she hung up. Little did she know, bolstered by Sun Tzu, I do not fear being disgraced ... I don't retreat; I ebb like the tide. And only a fool turns his back on the tide. (That's not a Sun Tzu quote; I think it might be from Moana.)”

 

My Day of Wellness Made Me Feel Like Crap  |  Freezing, puncturing, and pickling myself to a higher plane of being.

“The woman controlling the operation via touchscreen said it would be around negative 170 degrees Fahrenheit in the chamber, though when I stepped inside it felt like a balmy minus 160 degrees.”

 

Copying the Routines of Famous Writers Won't Help You WriteFor a week, I tried to live like famous writers. It went poorly.

“‘For me writing is like breathing,’” the poet Pablo Neruda told the Paris Review in 1971. “I could not live without breathing and I could not live without writing.” For me, writing is less like breathing and more like flatulence. It comes in bursts and adheres to no schedule, and if I try to force it, bad things come about.

 


Mental Floss

Full author page.

Secrets of the MIT Poker Course   |  Can a little calculus make a total novice into a gambling pro?

"The bus to Atlantic City is oversold, over-air-conditioned, and struggling to get out of Manhattan. Normally, I’d appreciate the irony that Greyhound dubs this shuttle the Lucky Streak, but right now I’m too busy sorting through my notes about implied odds, effective value, and something called “M-ratio.”

 

The Life, Death, and Resurrection of Spuds MacKenzie, The Original Party Animal    |   The saga of the original party animal.

"Less than a year after Spuds' national TV debut, Strom Thurmond stood on the floor of the U.S. Senate chamber and waved a stuffed Spuds MacKenzie doll ... He made his case while standing in front of huge posters featuring the "Ayatollah of Partyollah" himself, Spuds MacKenzie."

 

Good, Honest Football    |   Re-watching the XFL.

"In the third quarter, Hitmen QB Charles Puleri is tackled after attempting a throw and stays crumpled on the ground. He eventually hobbles off as a disgusted Jesse Ventura laments his poor play. We eventually cut live to Puleri's mic'd up concussion test, complete with running commentary from Ventura. In retrospect, this was as ridiculous as a 1950s cigarette ad where a doctor recommends his favorite brand."

 

The Man Who Saved the Skyscraper     |     Fazlur Khan and the idea that would turn architecture on its head.

"There were only minor quibbles about the wind. Employees at the restaurant on the 95th floor noted that bottles in the wine rack clanked. (They moved the wine to the basement, to be fetched via express elevator.) When one woman was upset her chandelier swayed on breezy days, Khan reinforced the fixture himself."  


The Warriors Flash-Fried the NBA, and They’re Just Getting Started    |    Coming to conclusions after the 2017 NBA Finals.

"You don’t add Kevin Durant to your 73-win team to eke out a few wins here and there. The 2017 Warriors were engineered for devastation. If you’d assembled them in your garage, representatives from the Department of Defense would come knocking at your door, and they would be wearing hazmat suits."

 

Kyrie Irving Is a Mad Genius   |    His trade request could destroy the Cleveland Cavaliers and might ruin his career. I wholeheartedly approve.

"Kyrie Irving is a man of remarkable talent. His handles are nonpareil and his ability to finish at the rim around, amongst, under, and betwixt defenders is breathtaking in the most literal sense—you gasp and hold the oxygen inside your lungs until you see the slow-motion replay or turn blue, whichever comes first."

 

No Shelter From the Woj Bombs   |    Adrian Wojnarowski will make the ESPN hype machine even more terrifyingly powerful.

"ESPN has been built to trim every last edible bit from a story, and with basketball’s greatest rumormonger and scoop-getter at its disposal, there’s no telling what the Worldwide Leader will now be capable of. My best guess is it will look a lot like what Gustavus Swift did to cows back in the 19th century."


Village Voice

Full author page.

Searching for Guy Fieri At Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar   |   A review of the celebrity chef's Times Square restaurant.

"I’ve been making fun of Guy Fieri for a pretty long time. I mean, look at him: If we ever get dragged into World War III, the Axis powers will put his chubby, bleached-blond head on propaganda posters to illustrate what us awful Americans are like. But I’m not alone, everyone makes fun of Guy Fieri. He’s the ankle-high, tattoo-covered, goateed orange in the forest of low-hanging fruits."

 

“Only in New York!” and Six Other New York Sayings That Are Completely False   |    Whatta town!

"We’ve done the science, and the one thing that could ever truly “only happen in New York” would be if a bodega cat pushed Alec Baldwin out of the way of a falling air conditioning unit while he was filming a 'Talk Stoop' segment for Taxi TV."

 

How to Write a “Vinyl is Back!” Story   |    A handy guide.

"The “Vinyl is Back!” piece has been a news staple for decades. It allows business reporters to let their hair down and jam a little with some funky tunage, just like back in their freewheeling J-School days. It also gives editors an assignment for music writers they don’t particularly like."

 


OTHER CLIPS

The Health Benefits of Cold Showers    |     Men's Health

I Went Vegetarian For A Month And This Is What Happened   |    Rodale's Organic Life

Boo Christmas: At The Season's Saddest Basketball Game   |    The Classical

Started from "Started from the Bottom:" On Listening to Drake for the First Time    |     Vice

 

MEDIA APPEARANCES, ETC.

15 Facts About Coffee    |      "The List Show" on Mental Floss' YouTube page

Talking About NBA Free Agency   |     Slate's "Hang Up and Listen" podcast

Chatting About My Story on Trying Writers' Routines      |     The Green Room on Irish national radio network Newstalk